(Naturally, in Iambic
"As the lawyers
require it clarified:
All scenes depicted, expressed or implied,
Are meant to contain graphic narrations
Of explicit sexual relations
Among safe, sane and consenting adults.
Given, therefore, their intended results,
Entrance to minors is prohibited.
Be then all persons well inhibited
From accessing this site’s uproarity
That are not an Age of Majority
Nor wish to dodge the aforementioned fare.
Of this you acknowledge to be aware
And enter herein voluntarily,
Without offense, contemporarily
In compliance with all standards and laws
Of the community in which you cause
Yourself to reside and seek access from.
You represent and warrant, here to come,
That you’ll not copy, download, duplicate,
Redistribute, publish, or replicate –
On web sites, newsgroups, or by printed page
The content herein, regardless of gage,
Sort, purpose or evident authorship.
You acknowledge the inviolate grip
Of SirRichardWadd-Dot-Com upon it,
And should you swipe but one binary bit
I’ll staple your fucking ass to the wall.
SirRichardWadd-Dot-Com, making the call,
Reserves the right to alter or delete
From this site, either partial or complete,
All material herein appearing,
And more, may modify these endearing
Terms and conditions for any reason,
Without notice, any time or season.
Under no circumstances, including,
But not limited to a concluding
Negligence, shall this site be liable
For such direct, indirect, pliable,
Incidental, special, consequential
Or punitive damages, sequential
Or in parallel, that ‘rise or result
From the use of, or failure to consult,
View or access its content on demand.
Given, therefore, this ordinary stand,
You do hereby acknowledge and agree
That SirRichardWadd-Dot-Com shall not be
Held liable for any offensive,
Illegal, defamatory, pensive,
Or caustic conduct of any user,
And should you become some whining loser
Ever dissatisfied with its content
Or their terms and conditions, the extent
Of your sole and exclusive solution
Is not to demand some retribution,
But to stop accessing the goddam site.
SirRichardWadd-Dot-Com, within its right,
Expressly disclaims all words, warranties,
And representations as to the ease,
Performance, completeness, truth, quality,
Or correct transmission of content, and,
Further, disclaims any attempt to brand
The burden for all damage injunctions
Resulting from errors or malfunctions
In computer or web-cam equipment,
And incomplete or incorrect shipment
Of any information bought or sold.
Finally, in compliance with our old
Friend, the mighty Federal Labeling
and Record-Keeping Law (oft-times tabling
Itself in court as Eighteen U.S.C.
Two-two-five-seven), I now guarantee
That all models by this domain displayed
Were eighteen years of age or more when made
Available to the camera, for which
All proof’s on file should some curious
Choose to check their veracity with the
Custodian of Records, i.e. – me.
If you Decline these conditions and terms,
Wishing to wash from your browser their germs,
Please proceed post haste to Disney-dot-com.
Still here? Excellent! You rock! You’re